...you just need some firefly.
I have a ranty but I'm too tired to be coherent or fair. so maybe tomorrow. For now, Firefly.
Mal: If anyone gets nosy, just, you know, shoot 'em.
Zoe: Shoot 'em?
Mal: See, this is a sign of your tragic space dementia. All paranoid and crotchety, it breaks the heart.
Mal: "This isn't happening." (to Saffron) "Will you stop crying?"
Inara: "Oh, for God's sake, Mal, can you be a human being for thirty seconds?"
Wash: "Speaking as one married man to another..."
Mal: "I am not married!" (to Saffron) "I'm sorry. You don't shame me, you have very nice qualities but I didn't ever marry you."
Book: (holding encyclopedia) "I believe you did. Last night." (Mal hesitates, steps toward Jayne
Mal: (to Jayne, quiet) "How drunk was I last night?"
Jayne: "I dunno, I passed out."
Zoe: Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.
Wash: "Don't fall asleep now. Sleepiness is weakness of character. Ask anyone! You're acting captain. Know what happens you fall asleep now?"
Zoe: "Jayne slits my throat and takes over."
Wash: "That's right."
Zoe: "And we can't stop it."
Wash: "Well, I wash my hands of it. It's a hopeless case. I'll read a nice poem at the funeral. Something with imagery."
Zoe: "You could lock the door and keep the power-hungry maniac at bay."
Wash: "Oh, no, I'm starting to like this poetry idea now. 'Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower, somewhat less attractive now she's all corpsified and gross'..."
Zoe: Planet's coming up a might fast.
Wash: Just means I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all.
Mal: That happens, let me know.
Mal: Define 'interesting.'
Wash: "Oh God, Oh God, we're all gonna die?"
Wash: You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?
Jayne: I'll chip in.
Zoe: I can hurt you.
Kaylee: These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I, how 'bout that!
Mal: Well, careful with it. We cheated Badger outta good money to buy that frippery. You're supposed to make me look respectable.
Kaylee: Yes sir, Captain Tightpants.
Jayne: We need a di-version. I say Zoe gets nekkid.
Jayne: I could get nekkid.
Badger: "Why ain't she talking? She's got a secret."
River: "Sure, I got a secret. More'n one. Don't seem likely I'd tell them t'you, now, do it? Anyone off Dyton Colony knows better'n t'talk t'strangers. You're talkin' loud enough for the both of us, though, en't'ya? I've known a dozen like you. Skipped off home early. Run graft jobs 'ere and there. Spent some time in the lockdown, but less'n you claim. Now you're what? Petty thief with illusions of standing? Sad little king of a sad little hill."
Badger: "...Nice to see someone from the old homestead."
River: "Not really." (to Simon) "Call me if anyone interesting shows up."
Badger: "I like her."
Jayne: "That right there? Exactly the kind of di-version we coulda used."
Mal: How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?
Jayne: If I could make you prettier, I would.
Mal: You are not the man I met a year ago.
River: Noah's Ark is a problem.
River: We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit five thousand species of mammal on the same boat.
River: Also, I can kill you with my brain.
Mal: "And Kaylee, what the hell's goin' on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?"
Simon: My sister's a ship. We had a fairly complicated childhood.
Jayne: "Well, I say as a rule that girlfolk ain't to be trusted." River: "Jayne is a girl's name."
Mal: "I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta move."
Zoe: "River, honey? He's putting the hair away now." River: "It'll still be there... waiting...."
Jayne Cobb: I once hit a guy in the neck from 500 yards with a bent scope. Don't that count upstairs?
Book: Oh, it'll be taken into consideration.
Jayne Cobb: You made that sound kinda ominous.
Jayne: "Anyone remember her coming at me with a butcher knife?"
Wash: "Wacky fun..."
Jayne: "You want to go, little man?"
Wash: "Only if it's someplace with candlelight."
Zoe: "Sir, I know she's unpredictable, but I don't think she'd harm anyone.
Jayne: "Butcher's knife?!"
Zoe: "Anyone we can't spare."
Inara: "Every well-bred petty crook knows -- the small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting."
Mal: Try to see past what she is, on to what she can be.
Zoë: What's that, sir?
Mal: Freedom, is what.
Zoë: [pointing] No, I meant — what's that?
Mal: Oh. Just step around it. I think something must've been living in here.
Zoë: Get her running again?
Zoë: So...not running now?
Mal: Not so much.
Jayne: "You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with until you understand who's in ruttin' command here. (beat) You can't change that... by gettin' all... bendy."
Wash: "All what?"
Jayne: "You got the... the light... from the console... keep you... lift you up. They shine like... (snatching at the air)... little... angels..." (falls over, unconscious) Wash: "Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?
Mal: "But she was naked! And... ...articulate!"
Sigh. Best. Show. Ever.