Wednesday, December 10, 2008


I think Jayne is trying to kill me.

last night my hair was once again in DagmarFro mode, which is one reason why very time someone tells me to try X shampoo or Y conditioner to fix my pseudo-dandruff dry scalp crap (that I think is really just my Stupid Face Crap on my scalp, because the medicated dandruff shampoos just make me go ohgodgetitoffitburnsgetitoffgetitoff), I have to restrain a laugh. Especially when it's a high moisture body boosting shampoo or conditioner. do you want to be spoinked off the planet when my hair explodes? no? This is what my hair does with any volume increasing agent, including a hair dryer:yeah. When two of us had to be trolls for a dagensprogram at The Skog, my compatriot spent 30 minutes teasing her hair out into a ratty poofy mop. I took 5 minutes in the shower with a trial size of Herbal Essences body and volume shampoo and conditoner set, and 15 minutes with a hair dryer, and my hair was way trollier. it also took two days to go back to normal, and during those two days I broke two hair elastics pulling it back into a ponytail. Hair. Of. Doom.
(Way back in high school Deoni offered to braid some cornrows into my hair to stop me whining about how my fencing mask fit until she actually started playing with my hair. Then she said if I wanted them I had to submit to Torture By Gramma. My hair is mutant. Every place I've gone to get it cut has classified it differently- fine, but a cubic shitload of it; thick, but normal amounts; coarse, but normal amounts; a mix of both fine, straight hair and rough-but-not-coarse curly hair, in just above normal amounts. I think the last is probably closest, because my hair goes curly in humidity but is pretty straight otherwise, and I have halo hairs that are very fine but I also have hairs that are freakin' huge and creased, and I know I have more hair than I should because every time I've gone to get my hair dyed by someone new, they have to go back and mix more color at least once, and they're always surprised. Anyway. got distracted by hair rant, which is now ending. ...I need a haircut. sorry. done.)

So. I'm petting Raz, who is curled up in his throne/perch/tower, and Jayne is chewing on the tower (carpet fluff is apparently The Best Thing Ever), and all is well and shiny until he notices that my halo of frizz is taunting him, and he swats for it at the exact moment that I turn my head, so I get smacked in the face with stabbity kitten claws. (Jayne has also not yet learned to play with Teh Hoomans with retracted claws.) he drew first blood! ok, so it was a miniscule droplet, from a miniscule iinsey wiinsy scritch, and is invisible today (and indeed, invisible within an hour), but still. Matt squirted him with water, but I'm not convinced that he actually connects water squirt with disciplinary action.

And this morning, I'm trying to drag myself out of bed, and he steps on my eye! (our cats have this obsession with our water glasses on the headboard, because clearly, the water in their circulating fountain dome thing is contaminated Sixth Sense style.) yes, we have The Most Ridiculously Spoilt Cats Ever, although a case could be made for less 'spoil the cats' and more 'lazy-arsed humans who like having to refill the food dispenser every other week and the water dispenser once a week because scooping out poo is bad enough.' (our cats break all laws of matter conservation. seriously. nothing that small should be able to produce that much waste.)

see? totally trying to kill me.

he also apparently sleeps on my chest, and sometimes Matt shoves him off because he's sprawled basically on my neck, but since the below clip shows you what must happen for me to wake up, I can't vouch for that.

1 comment:

brittany said...

marit, i heart your blog! i misses es you and your sillycrazyawesomegoodness. me gusta steeeaaak?!